Saturday, March 14, 2009



alternative title: the #1 reason why every person on the planet earth
needs to consider massage therapy school


leonard p. martineau
imti (international massage therapy instructor)

disclaimer #1: this post reserves the right to borrow a dane cook line or two. ..weregoing totarantino’" this post… meaning that well begin at the end, and then well trace our way back to the front by skipping aroundkinda sideways.

disclaimer #2: this post will be longer than most. ..feel free to skip it until some late night when you cannot sleep. ..of course, it is only the most important thing that you will ever read, but you can always put that kind of stuff off until later, right?

this post was inspired by beth misenhimer and pete lawrence, who both recently mentioned that they've considered going to massage school. ..jack mccarron, an old high school buddy who recently found me on facebook, also mentioned the same thing. mentor, george kousaleos (founder of the CORE institute), often stated that, because it makes people nicer, "everyone should go to massage school."


the end: you can trade massage for anything.

history: we all know that there are basic human needs, which include food, clothing, shelter and touch. …and every body needs touch.

okaylet’s go back…” -dane cook
last week, i traded massage for breakfast(s).

every man needs a delicious, healthy breakfast to start his day... i won’t go into the multitude of reasons -- reasons that you already know -- but suffice it to say that there is nothing like going into the best breakfast place on an island (the Amory Cafe') and being treated like royalty.

let’s go back…”

the other day, i traded a massage for fine-dining. .. i instantly became the customer de jour at the best restaurant in town, and the owner of the restaurant personally cooked my meal, which included bruschetta and fine wine.

if you ever get the chance to trade anything for bruschetta & fine wine, you trade anything for bruschetta & fine wine.

let’s go further back…”

a few months ago, i traded a massage for accommodations at a hotel/hostel in fiji. ..i still paid a little bit, but the trade was the difference between sleeping in a room (with 12 other people) or what i got, which was a private bungalow with a private bathroom (hot water) on the ocean, with a hammock.

the folks in fiji also gave me an official staff shirt, which serves as “clothing.”

on a different fijian island, i provided massage lessons, and was (later) provided with as much fijian beer and cava as i could drink. ..looking back, i'm not sure if that would be labeled as "good trade."
beer? ..yes. ..cava? ..uuuhhhhhh....

...which actually led to a marriage proposal, but, alas, i'm not ready for marriage, just yet.

prior to that, in australia i gave a massage to an ex-girlfriend, who had allowed me to stay at the home of her & her boyfriend.

correct me if i’m wrong,
but believe that that covers food, clothing, and shelter.

okay then, “let’s play it a bit forward," maybe just a smidgen

just a few hours ago, i traded a massage for a pedicure., one might ask, “why would a manly-man like lenny ever need a pedicure?

1. because he’s going to be teaching with his feet in a few days,
2. because a pedicure feels un-belizably fantastic,
3. because his pedicurist is drop-dead beautiful, beyond beli(ef)ze,
4. because it’s a monday on caye caulker (doesn’t everyone get a pedicure on mondays?), and
5. just because.

and not necessarily in that order.

let’s get random

you can trade massage for scuba lessons in thailand, for micro brews in new zealand, and for pizza in italy. can trade massage for haircuts, for yoga lessons, for rent, and for storage. can even trade massages for other massages, which just might be the best kept secret that everybody already knows.

let’s explore a list of things that everybody knows, even though it has no bearing on the ending of this story -- which is that you can trade massage for anything. .. anyway, here’s a partial list:

  • massage reduces distress.
  • massage facilitates anabolism, which is the kind of metabolism that rebuilds the body.
  • massage contributes to homeostasis, which is the body’s natural inner-balancing process.
  • massage makes you happy, because it feels gooooooooood.
  • massage heals (not only the receiver, but also provides physiological benefits for giver). ..when you give a massage, you become more well.!
  • massage makes you a better lover. everyone knows this, although massage schools cannot advertise this due to the professional nature oftherapeutic massage.” ..- but this post is not about therapeutic massage. can “barter” therapeutic massage (professionally), and you can “trade” massage.
  • massage feels fantastic!
  • massage helps premature babies grow faster, heal quicker, and leave the hospital sooner. .. if you’ve studied anything about the american medical system, you already know that keeping the doctor far, far away is a very, very, very good thing.
  • massage has been used as medicine by every civilized (and most uncivilized) cultures known to mankind, since the beginning of the universe... and even before that.
  • massage helps children get along better at school.
  • massage helps presidents, as they go about the very difficult business of presiding.
  • massage reduces pain.
  • massage feels unbelizable! ..have i mentioned that already?
  • massage reduces spasms, knots, adhesions, trigger points, etc.
  • massage is used to treat chronic conditions (including frozen shoulder, sciatica, thoracic outlet syndrome, temporomandibular joint dysfunction, and depression).
  • massage prepares athletes for engaging in athletic activity.
  • massage prepares weekend athletes to go out and do silly things on the weekend, resulting in the need for more massage.
  • massage facilitates the removal of toxins after a marathon, triathlon, a long walk on the beach, or a long night after a long walk to the beach bar.
  • massage can be used in conjunction with (or as an) energetic modality that facilitates energetic flow via meridians, zen lines, sen lines, and worry lines.
  • massage can also effect energy when focusing on chakras, quantum energies, or the electro-magnetic human energy field (h.e.f.) or "aura."
  • massage is used as “reflexology,” which (when stimulating specific areas of the feet, hands, or ears) influences corresponding body organs and systems.
  • massage feels sooooooooooooooo, soooooooooooooo good!
  • massage is great for your skin.
  • massage acts as a mechanical cleanser, at the microscopic (cellular) level.
  • massage is (literally) the difference between life and death.

…but the above list doesn’t represent the # 1 reason to go to massage therapy school.
the #1 reason to learn massage is that you can trade massage for anything you need, because every body needs touch.

…but, you ask, “why would i ever need to ‘trade’ ?”

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… now we’re getting somewhere…

let’s pretend that your present government wasn’t especially good at managing the trillions of dollars that it gets from very hard-working taxpayers. .. let’s imagine, for a moment, if the government mismanaged itself to the point where it decided to aimlessly print money -- without having any tangible way to back-up the very money that it printed!

…anyway, the inevitable result of this kind of waste & mismanagement would be (are you ready for this?) sweeping, catastrophic “super-inflation.” .. you can do the research (all by yourself) on super-inflation, but only if you don’t want to sleep at night anymore.

worst case scenario:

when a country experiences super-inflation, the paper money of said country is no longer worth the paper that the “money” is printed upon. ..uh, oh.

when paper money becomes worthless, that’s about the time when people (shockingly) begin to realize the truth about things like “gold”:

  • you can’t eat or drink gold,
  • gold doesn’t provide clothing or shelter, and
  • while a person can have a golden touch, gold will never have a personal touch.

uh, oh (again). ..when banks can’t back up our worthless money with anything worthwhile, even bundles of green pieces of paper won’t get us breakfast... the banks simply close, leaving us with the following options:

heck, i won’t even list the options. ..just imagine our world (tomorrow) if money was worthless, leaving things like “going to work” useless, meaning that nobody would be working, meaning that nobody would be pumping gas, delivering groceries, etc., etc.

imagine if the people who give us the ability to utilize “utilities” (you know: electric, telephone, gas)… well, what if they had the choice between:

  1. save my family members' lives, or
  2. walk 20 miles to work, even though the plant won’t be open so i won’t be able to make any worthless money by going to work.
uh, oh. ..stick a fork in all of us, because we’ll be about as close to “done” as ever.

you’ll have one option, and it just might come down to the line that kevin costner's best indian friend said in the movie “dances with wolves,” which was:


enough of the worst-case scenario, however (since it’s a downer).

here’s the best case scenario:

you won’t ever “have” to trade. .. you’ll be able to trade when you wish, as desired, within the context of virtually any situation that you deem “tradeworthy.”


when you’ve got what everybody needs, and if (what everybody needs) can be traded for anything you could ever want…

…then -- when you go to massage school, you’ll be learning a skill that, in addition to saving your life:

  • gives people another reason to like you more,
  • is fun to give and receive,
  • needs no equipment (outside of you) to utilize,
  • needs no technology,
  • needs no finite resources,
  • doesn’t pollute,
  • did i mention that it feels great?
  • can be administered, by you, in one form or another, until the day that you choose to no longer administer it.
tarantinoed conclusion, II: if i could wave my lenny magic wand, and if i could suggest that:

  1. you could have anything that you’d ever want, ever, and
  2. you could learn a skill that is more about your heart & hands than a computer or a machine,
  3. you could become a better communicator, a better friend, a better family member, a better lover, and a better person in the process,
  4. you could live your dream, in times of economic crisis and in times of economic bliss,
  5. you could travel anywhere in the world and use your skill,
  6. you could bridge the gap between the physical, the mental, and the Spiritual,
  7. you could feel great, while helping others feel the same,
  8. you could save lives, and
  9. you could be happy forever…
wouldn’t you want lenny to wave his magic wand?

question: what is the #1 reason why every person on earth should go to massage school?
…besides the fact that we’d all be a lot nicer to each other???
…besides the fact that, for the rest of my life,
i’d have a never-ending supply of you to trade massages with????

what’s the #1 reason???

answer: you can trade massage for anything.

-the beginning.

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