Monday, March 30, 2009

don't mix water with tea

don’t mix water with tea
note: the pictures in this post were taken the day after the incident.

alternative title:watch out for that first step, it’s a dooooooozie!” –by fred to phil (played by bill murray) in the movie “groundhog day.”
alternative title: no beer, no wine, big problems

by lenny martieau, lmt, c.l.u.t.z.

you already know how this story is going to end, but here goes:

okay, so it’s the night before the big workshop, and yours truly decides that he’s gonna hit the hay early. .. it’s important to note that, although the beer, wine, and coconut drinks were flowing for those who had just arrived in paradise, lenny didn’t even have so much as a sip of anything but several glasses of water and a few cups of tea. know, when in pura vida… be pura (sort of).

later, back at my palace…

after brushing my teeth, i turned off the bathroom light, which made me suddenly aware that i was in pitch blackness (pura vida isn’t big on nasty outdoor night lights).

knowing that i’m residing in a “tri-level,” the first thing i said to myself was “i am not going to fall down those stairs.
(yes, the law of attraction works, even in the negative)

so i slooooowly glide to the edge of the first stair, confident that i’d be able to negotiate the 6-inches down to the next step. ..leading with my left foot, i even slid my heel down along the vertical part of the tile, just to be safe.

what i failed to remember was that these are “mod” stairways, and that the "stairway" portion doesn’t go all the way to the wall (translation: right next to the steps, there's a two-foot drop-off). when you expect a stair that ain’t there, your whole world changes in a flash. ..the foot on the top step experiences a state of imbalance, and, oh well…

to make a long story short-er, i spun on the way down, and used my arm to smash the wall at the same time as another part of my body crashed onto the floor. ..imagine lenny, below, in that little corner next to the end table (dazed & confused).

no… it gets worse. arm collided the wall-mirror, which hangs by one, solitary nail, and so the mirror is now swinging wildly from side-to-side, on the wall. it’s making a sound like “shhhhhhk, shhhhhk, shhhhhk.” mind you, i can’t see into the mirror (thank goodness), but i know what the next sound is going to be…



1. you’ve fallen and you can’t get up, but you don’t have an emergency bracelet or pura vidan 911 access.

2. and even though there was no one there to see you fall, you’re a rhode islander, so you look around (in the pitch black) just to see if anybody saw you fall. ..think snow & ice -- and you'll get the idea.

3. you check-in with yourself, just to make sure that you’re alright (toes wiggle? check. ..fingers move? check. ..pain? ..not much, really).

4. you are sitting there, in the dark, laughing at your silly self and thinking “that did not just happen.”

5. so... you landed in a semi-seated position, and the “shhhhk, shhhhk, shhhhk” of the mirror is just out of your reach. hasn't fallen... yet.

6. you wonder: “how am i going to explain a shattered mirror to the pura vida staff?

"oh, excuse' senorita lolita,

lenny had a bad hair day and took it out on the mirror?”

7. anyhow… you pry yourself up, and you stop the mirror’s back-and-forth dance (thank God). ..your first (standing) thought is: “i am not going to blog this! ..never tell a soul. one ever needs to know.”
unfortunately, when your next-door neighbors and l.m.t. success group founders (paul & harvey) see you the next morning at kila hall, the first thing that harvey says is not “good morning.” ..he looks at you a little squinty-eyed and says “did you fall down the stairs last night?

busted (in more ways than one).

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