Sunday, June 1, 2014

"you've got to work at relationships' = lie

 "when something is in harmony with something else, there is no friction"
-callum coats, in living energies, p. 186

we've heard it before, the line that "you've got to work at relationships."  

but think... about the most enjoyable relationships in your life: the supportive, collaborative, nurturing, uplifting ones. do you 'work' at those?  chances are that many of y/our most enjoyable relationships are y/our easy-est relationships.  the friendship aspect of the relationship being the key.

interestingly enough, friendships don't require a 'commitment.'   friendships aren't documented legally.  friendships aren't consummated with a ceremony.  friendships do not entail a vow.  if you are lucky enough to be married to a friend, it's the friendship that keeps you together (not the marriage). 

think about it: has a friend ever asked you for a commitment?  has a friend ever asked you for a vow?  has a friend ever asked for documentation?  has a friend asked you to be part of a vicarious ceremony?  (because... if they have, then they do not trust that you will continue to behave toward them in the manner that they've become accustomed). 

the line "you've got to work at relationships" is incomplete.  more accurately stated, it might be:

"you've got to work at forced relationships."

certainly, if you are "trying to make it work," you are using energy in an effort to counteract the natural flow of the relationship.  maybe the relationship no longer serves you. 

how many relationships (that you know of, in your own life experience) are outwardly fine, yet truth-fully... 
  • sleeping in separate beds
  • acting as housemates, not lovers
  • cheating
  • repulsed, agitated, angry, verbally abusive 
do you know married couples who are best friends?  they (likely) are not working on the friendship dimension of their relationship -- although they might be working on the marriage aspect of it.

in the (final?) analysis, even 'bad' relationships are good, in that they foster learning, growth and evolution. 

...but i bet that you've got relationships (with friends, with animals, with certain substances, with ideas) that are effortless.  those relationships are just as (if not more) important than the relationships that make us 'work.'

-the beginning. 

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