Thursday, November 6, 2008

naked bingo?

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if your next birth-day is eventful, remember this: you've still got a birth night to deal with.
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...yes, my fellow time travelers, you'd thought you'd seen it all. ..fortunately (for you), you haven't... b/c "it all" isn't necessarily pretty.
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note: bingo-game pictures will not accompany this post, because:
..[a] the naked bingo rules clearly state "no cameras, no cell phones," and
..[b] this blog must adhere to high standards.
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...you can almost hear dane cook, saying ... "wwwhat????"
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back to the post: it's the evening of november 6th, and your new friends from hong kong (cindy & cathy) convince you to go to "monsoon's" instead of the "blue ice cafe." ..they say that it's important to try a new establishment, since there are only two places in franz joseph where you can find night-life. ..monsoon's (below) is one of them.


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upon entering monsoon's, the house music is turned-up. ..then, they hand you bingo cards (and the girls are excited about playing bingo). ..at this point, i can't figure out what is going on....in my head, i'm thinking "bingo?" and (as my sister clare would say): "booOOOOOOOooriiiiiiing!!!!!!!!
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...right up until the bartender says that everyone who has a bingo card needs to come up to the area in front of the bar.
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it becomes immediately apparent that this is not the kind of bingo that Auntie Ann used to make you suffer through as a kid. ..this is (quote): "naked bingo."
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the rules are simple: every time a number on your card is called, you need to remove one article of clothing.
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you are among 40-50 people (pretty much every person who is in the bar) who are huddled in a very small area in front of the bar (can you say "close quarters"?) .
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the bartender has a microphone, and he begins to call out numbers... "b...seven!"
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unlike my (former) rugby days, i opted to remove socks, sneakers, and so on. ..it was the only time in my life that i ever wished i owned wristbands, neck bands, rings, etc. .note: if you're ever in this situation, your inner dialogue goes something like this: darn! i knew that i should have worn that cheap watch!
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anyway... while i'm being conservative, other people (both girls and guys) were shedding clothes like it was a beach-party at the playboy mansion.
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although it became immediately apparent that the bartenders wanted a female to win the prize (t-shirt, bar tab, and a free skydiving excursion), there were guys who wanted to "jump out of a perfectly good airplane" even more than the gals. ..the "rules" (and i use that term loosely) seemed to change as the game went on, as the bartender explained that, in order to receive first prize, the winner would have to be standing up on top of the bar.
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clothes were everywhere when a guy (must have been a rugby player) jumped up on the bar, completely naked, claiming victory.
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i'm sure that the women in attendance would agree that winning isn't everything.
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anywaaaaaay...
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i lost (with dignity) and will forever remember (should the events dictate) one of the many ways to spice-up future u.s.a. dinner-parties.
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you can almost hear the caller, saying (in a quirky new zealand accent):
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"b-eleven!"
"i -eighteen!"
"n-thirty-three!"
"g-fifty!"
"o-sixty-nine!
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"bingo!"
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conclusion: sometimes it's better to be a loser, not having to stand up in public to receive first prize.
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below: "pregame activities" as cindy, cathy, lenny, and ace (from taiwan) warm-up for some new zealand bingo. ..note the bingo cards on the table.

2 comments:

  1. willy and Judy (this is too R rated for K and A)November 7, 2008 at 8:25 PM

    So how close to naked were you? Inquiring minds want to know.

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  2. First of all, public nudity in foreign countries is not on my excursion list.
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    Secondly, somehow (in all of the confusion), I got the rules messed up and thought that visitors from the U.S. were supposed to be putting more clothes ON.
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    You should see my new wardrobe!!

    ReplyDelete